staircase of the triple letter

  the routine that maintains consistency. the peace of having a home susceptible to personal control. the thought of doing this or that for the first time in your lifetime. peace within such a basic time in our lives. weeknights. the time we spend working together, pushing to achieve the same goal. memories made with the family we've created. personal control enforce for benefit of the individual, aside from personal control enforced to escape the reality of accepting the trap surrounding us. diving in head first gaining momentum and excitement awaiting to land. confusion and uncertainty still ravish the world we once knew. the blatant disregard of this realization for the protection of the connection, the weeknights created. personal dinners, conversations, and intimate memories, cleansing. disguised but addicting. cherish what's in front of you, before it's too late.  - Triple Letter - 

feels required to give when it's genuine. even if it's diminishing to one party involved. it's consuming, suffocating. the straight jacket of love. so content, peaceful, and real? but also exhausting, brain blending, and saddening. the pain feels worth it? for the genuine times, the times of connection. a connection like never experienced, one so engulfing the thought of escaping seems incorrect. seems so unreal, because this is the best experience in a long life of disappointment. but is it escape we crave? or is it the 6/10 times we feel security for once. one time we feel seen even if it isn't always mutual its genuine. deer in headlights we're caught. wrapped up in something our heart isn't prepared to release. it's real. it's painful. it's genuine. compassion you will always deserve for the time spent adjusting and reflecting to grow towards the common goal. just often times found wishing the heart wasn't at stake. back and forth from breaki...

peace in liquid form. ruining lives day by day. ruining people day by day. it's implied necessary to have fun at such a young age, it becomes the most mesmerizing form of entertainment. the taste to some is awful, however the taste to others is bitter sweet. sip by sip, we slip away. the pain fades, but the shell remains. intoxicated and numb. dead but happy? happiness is such a broad description of the most elite emotion. what is happiness? it's different for everyone. alcohol. drink and drink, washing away remains of things we crave to forget. the temporary happiness that overtime damages what we once knew as a life. it's legal addiction. legal to purchase and share. beet to beer watching the fear fade. bottle in hand problems become the past. avoided at any cost. avoidance is easy when under the influence. to enjoy the temporary rush of serenity, silence within. empty but silent. alcohol slowly takes the soul of one searching for things always found within consumption....

  circles and circles and circles that of a carousel. the perfect word to define the mind of a mentally ill individual. we go in the same motions everyday but it's our choice to fight or to not fight. our minds that is. choose which animal and motion you want today, it's the same circle the same tune. just a different perspective to fit the day. we control the choice but we cannot control all the other moving pieces in our carousel. spinning around in circles becomes tiresome after time passes repeating the same circle. fighting the mind of ourselves is exhausting but crucial to survival crucial to running smoothly. it's vicious, it's painful, it doesn't always get easier but it's a necessity. we have to make the choice, the change. choose a new animal, as you choose a new perspective.  - Triple Letter - 

  the acceptance of the pain surrounding us, mentally. but also physically. the world is gloomy.. so very sad. so very disconnected. just.. sigh as me. the consistent mental prison fight between my depression but also the reality of life, which is that it's beautiful, every minute, every memory should be cherished because it will always come to an end eventually. but the prison has the tightest grip.. it's suffocating, consuming to the extent of craving freedom of my own skin. of my own existence. never enough. cannot please loved ones equally. just a curse in people's lives, instilling trust and love, but in the end being emotionally unavailable to give them what it is they deserve. the limitations are drowning, so controlling it strips bits and pieces of the person we all once knew, how does it stop? how does the darkness disband.  - Triple Letter - 

feeling is the physical reaction to emotion. feelings and emotions are viewed as different buy explained as the same. so to feel is to have emotion? to have feelings is to have emotions. but do you show feelings and think emotions? the mental process is emotion. the physical process is feelings. that's why you can never truthfully explain what's going on in your mind let alone for someone to try to understand the genuine meaning behind your felling. because the emotion different yet the same to feeling. yin and yang, they coexist but never fuse.  - Triple Letter - 

if you had the choice to have never been born, would you?  i mean fuck, we don't choose to be here. but is the gift of life really a gift? or simply a life sentence? a never ending cycle of pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. a life sentence. we're signed up for a lifetime in a world that can't decide how to even remain sane itself. but isn't that really the gift of it all? sanity is a standard society set to reform the population. humans preach of freedom but don't realize they are in a constant loop of control, named the society. our population alters to fit the norm whether they fully agree because do we really even have a voice at all? so the gift is to live in a world that too struggles to always be okay. the world teaches us from a young age, that shit sucks. it isn't always happiness and success. it's heartbreak. its's violation. it's trauma. it's death. it's pain. but it's all just another puzzle piece in our life sentence.  - T...

  life is so repetitive that it slowly becomes a second nature to fulfill life's demands. that once something changes we are consumed by confusion becoming so lost. losing ourselves and losing what we've strived so long to achieve. life goes in a routine you wake up, get ready. school, work, shower, sleep, and eat throughout a day but as you lay down to sleep you slowly think about your day picking apart the most minuscule details allowing it to add to the confusion that's already weighing us down. confusion is an emotion most don't allow to show through the image they portray to the public. they think if I show that I am confused they will take advantage of that, advantage of my vulnerability and my weakness hurting me more then life itself hurts me. but confusion is a simple step along the insanely long staircase from failure to success. confusion is one of the many emotions a human must undergo through their life but there we go again with the repetition. everyone...

the one word that could change a life and a take a life. the escape from a twisted reality. a reality nobody wants to face. a place that no human should feel uncomfortable in yet everyone runs from it? the reality of the world we live in is diminishing enough, let alone to try and survive in it. a world where we are expected to love ourselves yet wired to hate ourselves. I don't want to love me because I want to be happy and i could never be happy loving something so broken and damaged there's no fixing it. suicide. a simple word yet the most crucial thing in a depressed persons mind. viewed as an escape when it should be feared. viewed as the most peaceful answer. to die is to be okay. to end a life is to end the suffering. to put a stop to the misery. suicidal thoughts seem to be the most peaceful thoughts, why? not fearing death is the most dangerous yet peaceful thing, you've come to terms enough with life to respect death. respecting death is peace. I don't want to...

heart break. the pain no one can prepare you for. an emotional pain that you feel physically. a pain that consumes you. a pain that seems impossible to escape. the feeling of your body crumbling to the ground. the feeling of sobbing so hard no sound comes out. the feeling of love? something so amazing yet so dangerous. with love also comes heart break. was the heart created to just break? to shatter and be reassembled slowly just for it to happen again and again? nobody warns you about the aftermath of love. you can never prepare yourself for the devastation, the constant inconsolable pain that becomes your life. why is the heart so fragile if it remains so important? why do we love if we end up trying to assemble pieces of our own heart? to love is to sign yourself up for heart break yet every human craves love. the unstoppable love, but even that love ends. finalizing with heart break. what is the point of love if it just breaks you at the end? to learn? no because then we just do it...

  our eyes see more than our brains say. we see things but never fully say what is truthfully seen. often times what we say is not what we see. within that as humans we always try to understand the brain, the thing that constructs the building of what we saw. but even the building is flawed every time. how can a human claim to understand such a defective explanation of visual stimulation? visual stimuli triggers inaccurate vocal expression. the brain is viewed as one of the most complex parts of a human. although daily we achieve more understanding of the brain then we ever have the eyes. at what cost? to avoid the complication and disappointment that comes with attempting to understand what is seen instead of said. understand somebody's eyes and you can truthfully say you understand them. until then you only understand them for what they say. - Triple Letter - 

  the mental illness that is nearly impossible to explain let alone understand. the deepest sadness imaginable to feel depressed is to feel lost?  well no because even being lost doesn't explain the overwhelming amount of emotions consuming you daily. it doesn't explain the thoughts constantly racing through your head. when your head is like a barrel of monkeys it's insanely challenging to find clarity in a mess like that, now add darkness. that's the mind of someone battling depression. everyone constantly tells you to just push to the light at the end of the tunnel.. but there's no light in the cold numbing tunnel anymore. to function as a human you have to eat and sleep.. having to force yourself to choke down food just to keep fighting the same fucking battle everyday. for what? taking medicine to just sleep enough to function, just enough to wake up everyday and act like you're not fighting your own mind every minute of every day. to act okay. to act happy....

  a camera cannot catch the true beauty of something like our eyes can. stop letting the "quality" of a picture define your self worth. the eyes of people who genuinely love you and ourselves are the only thing that can truthfully define the beauty of an individual.  - Triple Letter - 

we start out as a fetus growing to be old becoming some sort of genius always trying to be bold learning through experience now allowing us to be alone no one can see the difference so we become widely known giving people our trust telling them things hard to spit out  yet it turns out to be a bust but we gave them the benefit of doubt everyone has friends so in that people talk thinking it'll be a cleanse yet it reaches clear to Bangkok trust must be earned bust as children we aren't taught that everyone is just getting burned so remember its easy to just chat  - Triple Letter - 

this world is full of hate stereotypes changing the expected human image everyone always tries to be your mate life is difficult, being treated like a scrimmage children dropping out of school their parents did it so they do it too losing motivation and acting like a fool they attend and participate for a bit our society stuck in the same mentality they think they know everything about reality but they paste negative thoughts on the billboard  people will always have their own mindset but the though of change puts them in a cold sweat - Triple Letter -